


Incompatible

by ghostofachancewithyou



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, LLF Comment Project, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-05-28 00:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15036992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostofachancewithyou/pseuds/ghostofachancewithyou
Summary: Imagine Breaking up with Barba. Based on this prompt:You’re the most jealous person I’ve ever met.





	1. Chapter 1

“You’re the most jealous person I’ve ever met!”

“You called her your work wife!”

Rafael pursed his lips and shook his head. His voice was eerily calm when he spoke again.

“For the third time, it was a bad joke. I didn’t even see you’d come in, Chief Dodds said something stupid about how I probably spend more time in meetings with her than with my partner. He didn’t even know that I have a girlfriend. That I have you …”

At the last few words, he made a tentative step towards you, but he froze when you suddenly started to yell at him.

“But you know that! It made me feel so insignificant. What exactly am I to you? A random piece of ass, someone who cooks you dinner, blows you for dessert and does the dishes afterwards? Admit it, it’s okay!”

Rafael looked at you incredulously.

“That’s nonsense. And it’s not fair. I get that you’re upset, even if there’s no reason to be. Let’s just both calm down for a minute.”

“I am calm. And if I’m jealous, we know what the real problem is. You’re _married_ to your job. I’m just your _girlfriend_.”

It was one of those moments of perfect clarity. You’d let it poison you from the inside for too long. You loved him. But he deserved to hear the truth.

“We’re just not compatible.”

 

Silence.

 

“But—no,” Rafael said, finally finding his voice again, but you held your hand up, signaling him that you weren’t finished

“It’s not just the “work wife” thing. I thought moving in together would change things. And that I would get used to it more. And for a long time I thought it was me, that I was too needy. The nagging girlfriend or whatever. But no. It’s okay to want your boyfriend to be home by seven, I don’t know, like, twice a week? I deserve someone who spends an entire Saturday in bed with me, without picking up his phone to write down an idea for … a case or something. And you, you need a person who doesn’t feel that way. Someone who’s tougher. Not like me.”

You turned away from him and walked towards the kitchen counter to get your bag.

“Mi vida …”

You let out a small sob. That word. His sweet voice.

But no. You took your phone out of the bag and opened the Uber app. You weren’t sure where you were going to stay tonight, but you needed to get out of here.

Rafael hovered just two feet behind you, wanting nothing more than to hold you and make you realize how much you meant to him. He was working on his time management skills. And, compared to you, no co-worker or anyone else on this entire fucking planet meant anything to him. He knew words weren’t enough for you at this point, but he had to try.

“What if … what if I told you that I want to marry you? I’ve been thinking about it for a while. You’re the most—”

You’d turned around slowly. The look on your face was so full of pain that his eyes widened in shock.

“How dare you, Rafael. That’s not something to joke about.”

“It’s not a joke! Do you think I’m just making that up right now?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore. You know that saying… ‘I need to love myself first until I can let anybody else love me’. I never really knew what that meant, I guess. It wasn’t fair of me to keep it all bottled up like that. But it’s true. I’m not ready.”

Rafael felt like the floor had dropped away under him.

“What? Are you breaking up with me?”

You shrugged your shoulders, not in a flippant way, but as a sign of complete helplessness.

And then he was right next to you, trying to pull you into a gentle hug, but you moved away quickly

“I can’t. I’m sorry,” you said, as you turned and stormed down the hall.

Rafael knew he should go after you and somehow convince you to stay, but he just stood there, shivering from head to toe as he saw you walk out the door of your apartment.

He heard your steps grew fainter. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.

*

It was completely dark outside when he entered the bedroom and collapsed on your side of the bed. He buried his face in your pillow—if he couldn’t have you, he could cling to this and the memory of the two of you waking up together this morning: tired, of course, almost too late for work in your case, but still together, still one.

_How dare you, Rafael. That’s not something to joke about._

He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. In his mind, he’d planned it out carefully. Memorial day weekend. Just you and him. Picnic on the roof, at dusk, your favorite time of the day. He didn’t have the ring yet—custom-made orders took longer—but it’d be ready by then. Rose gold. A circle of small stones, one for each month you’d been together. And the biggest one, the one in the middle, had the same shade as his eyes, so you wouldn’t forget about him, even when you spent so much time apart.

And now that time would be forever.

 

 

 


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap: Reader (who works at Chief Dodds’ office) and Rafael are dating. One day she overhears Rafael calling a female colleague his work wife. They get into a bad fight and reader breaks up with him, unaware that he’d planned to propose to her soon.
> 
> After a miserable night apart, they agree to meet and talk things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t think there’d be a second part, but suddenly inspiration struck. So here we are. Romantic fluff galore!

The dream was intense and absurdly real. You and Rafael were throwing a party at your apartment for all your friends and co-workers. Everyone was in a great mood, but it was like no one could see you. When you tried to talk to people, no sound came out of your mouth. In the center of the room, Rafael was happily entertaining your guests, looking very dapper in his tuxedo. You tried to walk over to him, but now the two dozens of people had turned into a huge mob and were trying to block your way. You cried out to him, but, like the others, he couldn’t hear you and just stood there, laughing and smiling at everyone but you. You started to panic and tried to get away from the crowd that was now converging around you, all your friends’ faces distorted like grimaces, barely human. But you were trapped. You began to sob as you surrendered yourself to the darkness …

Your opened your eyes.. Coffee. The sound of quick fingers tapping on a computer keyboard. The sunlight that was coming through the window was too bright and you turned around when you felt a throbbing pain in your temples.

“Hey, you’re awake.“

It was not Rafael’s voice. Raising your head slightly, you peaked through half-closed lids and saw your friend Toni. She was sitting at her desk, smiling at you.

Everything that happened last night came back. Your fight with Rafael. The scene you’d made. His unsuccessful attempts at calming you down. He had even brought up marriage.

_~What if I told you that I want to marry you? I’ve been thinking about it for a while.~_

Deep down, this was exactly what you wanted: a happy future with Rafael. But talking about marriage during a fight … obviously it had been a cheap trick to make you stay, at any cost. Keeping a peace that, in your eyes, had been contrived for a while.

Without answering your friend, you turned away as a mix of sadness, bitterness and fear overcame you.

You grabbed your phone from the nightstand. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t messaged. What did you expect? Your words last night couldn’t have been clearer.

_~We’re just not compatible.~_

“This can’t be happening …“

Toni got up and sat down next to you. She hugged you close and you leaned your head on her shoulder. The feeling of her warm and comforting body brought tears to your eyes. When was the last time you and Rafael had hugged? And had it really been the last time?

“Shh, it’s gonna be okay …“

As she cradled you in her arms you wanted to believe her. But you didn’t know _what_ to believe. You regretted breaking up with him like that. But the fact was that you’d had problems for a while. His stressful job, your conflicting schedules, your seemingly clashing personalities. There had never been a lack of love or affection in your relationship. But what if it just wasn’t enough? Better realize it now after ten months than further down the road, when your lives would be even more entangled.

As the much younger partner in your relationship, you’d always felt like you had to prove how mature you were. And wasn’t that the most rational decision you could make? Ending things when you saw that it wasn’t working?

Toni discretely cleared her throat.

“Sweetie, just so you know, after I picked you up from the bar last night and you passed out here, I texted Rafael to tell him that you’re at my place.“

You lifted your head and looked at her with bleary eyes.

“I didn’t even think of that, thanks … any answer?

“He just thanked me for letting him know.“

“That was it?“

Toni’s silence was answer enough and you started to cry again.

“It was bad, Toni. He probably hates me now. I really fucked this up.“

“I don’t think Rafael hates you.“ Toni sounded incredulous. “He’s not the type. He probably misses you already.“

You’d been so wrapped up in your own thoughts and feelings that you’d jumped to conclusions. In your mind, Rafael couldn’t be anything but relieved that his nagging, difficult girlfriend – ex-girlfriend! – was gone.

“I think you need to talk things out. Even if you decide to … part ways, it shouldn’t end in a fight.“

She was right, and you knew it, too. But you felt miserable from head to toe, and not just because of the four (five?) Jack-and-Cokes you’d downed yesterday. You wouldn’t be able to go to work today. You grabbed your phone to call in sick and went to the bathroom.

*

When you stepped out of the shower, you saw that Toni had laid out some of her clothes for you on a stool next to the door. You laughed when you saw the print on the back of the panties: “It ain’t gonna spank itself.“ You wouldn’t know what to do without her.

Her skinny jeans fit you okay, but the dark blue sweater was uncomfortably tight around your mid section. The woman who stared back at you in the floor length mirror … it was and wasn’t you at the same time. Eyes red from all the crying, face still bloated from your night out drinking. Without your make-up and without your own clothes you looked like a different version of yourself, from another life. A miserable one.

If that’s what it was going to feel like without Rafael, you didn’t know if you could bear it.

**

Rafael was sitting in his office. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around what had happened last night, even though it surely hadn’t been your first fight.

You were were unlike any other partner he’d had before you. In fact, you were the funniest and most caring person he’d ever met. But sometimes your passion and sensitivity brought out a side of you that he still hadn’t gotten used to. A side that was dark, and sometimes little mean. And very jealous. In theory, he got it. He wasn’t a stranger to this feeling, he’d been hurt deeply in the past. But last night had been too much.

Rafael sighed and got up to pour himself some more coffee. He reached into his pocket and checked his phone for the hundredth time this morning – still no message from you. 

It was 11 am. If this had been a usual Friday, by now you would’ve texted back and forth a few times. Making plans for dinner. Teasing, joking. Probably an “I love you“ or “I miss you“.

At that thought, he felt as though the floor was giving away under his feet.

He knew he could be alone again. But now that he knew what he was missing he felt helpless.

A part of him wanted to text you. Pretend that it hadn’t shaken him deeply. Maybe you’d both apologize and it’d be fine. But it would’ve been a lie and you owed each other the truth. And he couldn’t ignore the feeling of anger as well. If you really loved him, why would you act like that and break up with him?

He really had other things to take care of right now, though. Distracting himself with work. It was his special talent after all. 

He had barely sat down again when his phone buzzed. He reached into his pocket, fully expecting it to be Carisi to finally get back to him about that missing witness. But it was you.

“Hey Rafael, I think we need to talk. I regret what happened last night.“

Rafael let himself fall back into his chair. It wasn’t over, not yet. Some of the awful tension he’d felt all day left his body. He reread your message several times, trying not to overthink your choice of words or worry about subtext.

It wasn’t too late. There was a chance. Even if it was tempting to leave you hanging just for a few hours, but this wasn’t the time to be playing games.

“I agree. We need to talk. Meet me outside Forlini’s at 7.30 pm.“

**

During the day there had been small moments when you’d been able to ignore your anxiety and focus on something else, but that jittery feeling in your limbs had never gone away. Now that you were just a block away from the bar, your fingers were shaking and you quickly slid them into your jacket pockets. Your right hand held onto your key chain as though it was a talisman. It had been Rafael’s Valentine’s Day gift for you, a golden Swarovski heart. A part of you wanted to give in and let your mind travel back to that perfect evening but you pulled yourself together. You needed to face Rafael calmly and rationally.

You could already see him standing near the entrance of your favorite bar. You sped up your step and walked over to where he was standing, a neutral expression on his face.

“Hey,“ you said.

“Hey,“ he said back. His face was unchanged. “Do you want to go inside?”

“No not really. Too many people.“

He nodded. 

“Fair enough.”

You didn’t know what you’d expected. But this was awkward. If you could’ve just hugged him and everything would be okay again.

“So you’re staying with Toni?“

“Yeah.“

“Good.”

Half a minute passed and both of you were shuffling in your shoes, shooting each other small glances. People were passing you by left and right. To everyone else it was a normal Friday evening, but to you it felt like these would be some of the most defining minutes of your life.

Rafael still didn’t speak. He was waiting.

“What I said and did yesterday … I overreacted.“

He looked you straight in the eyes. 

“You did.“

Curt, almost snappy. But could you blame him?

“I’d barely seen you all week, then you had your stupid meeting with Chief Dodds and what you said … the thing about her being your work wife … it really upset me. I panicked.“

“I’m really sorry about that. I admit it was stupid. But it didn’t mean anything.“

“I know …“

“Do you really? Because I keep on saying it over and over again, and yet you won’t believe me.“

“But it’s not just about last night, Rafael. And it’s not just me. The way you get lost in cases, every week. I’ve rarely seen you getting lost like that when we’re together.“

Touché. He knew you were right and he nodded in reluctant agreement.

“I hate it, but you’re probably right.” He crossed his arms and bit his lip. “I’m … pretty set in my ways. I’m 47. I haven’t been in a relationship for many years.“

“But–“

“No, don’t, it’s true. We’ve been together for ten months and when I was your age that seemed like an eternity. There’s no doubt that I love you, that’s why I asked you to move in with me. But you need to give me more time to adjust to … us.“ 

His voice was suddenly much softer and there was a pleading look in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Rafael. I didn’t know it was so hard for you,“ you whispered.

He gently cupped your elbow.

“I’m sorry, too. I made a lot of mistakes. It kills me that I didn’t try harder. I respect your decision if you really mean it, but I don’t want things to end like that.“

Your proud, smart, tough Rafael, now he looked desperate.

You knew that you couldn’t runaway from this like a coward. Give up on the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to you.

Your hands were shaking when you wiped away a tear from your cheek.

“I don’t want that either.“

He closed his eyes and drew in a sharp breath.

You took his hands in yours and continued.

“My insecurities are poisoning our relationship. They’ve been poisoning me for years. Things go well for a few months and suddenly something changes, I don’t even know what. And I start to feel like I’m nothing and just … not good enough.“

Rafael was giving you his full attention but looked slightly confused.

“And at one point, I begin to sabotage things. I decide to leave before people will leave me. Which is what will ultimately happen …“

“No, no, no,“ Rafael mumbled, shaking his head.

“I know! It’s completely irrational. But something takes hold of me and I snap.“

There was a silence while both of you were struggling for words.

“Hopeless case,“ you laughed, but it sounded bitter.

“No. I’m a lawyer, I know a hopeless case when I see one.“ He managed a small wry smile. “I love you. Whatever it is, we’re going through this together. If you want to yell, yell at me. Leave whenever you need a break. But ….“ Rafael’s face turned very serious. “Cariño, we bared our souls to each other. With me, it’s different. I’m not like them, and I will never leave you. Unless you really want me to.“

“I’ll never want you to leave. I don’t ever want to go through pain like this again.“

For a moment you thought time stood still. Then, he finally pulled you into his arms. He rocked you gently, stroking your hair, kissing your forehead, overcome with joy that he had you, right now, and it was all that mattered to him.

**

Of course you went home with him.

The living-room – very neat, as usual when you weren’t around.

The pasta leftovers still in the fridge. (“You didn’t have dinner?“ “Didn’t feel like eating today, for some reason.“)

A bottle of scotch on the coffee table, half empty.

You leaned in for another hug.

“I’m so cold.“

“Hot shower?“

“Hm.“

*

As the water poured over you, you embraced. Body against body, heart against heart.

*

You lay in the dark, facing each other, holding each other. As your post-orgasmic bliss faded, you couldn’t help but starting to feel a little anxious again. You needed his reassurance again, and not just physically.

“I really want to make this work, Rafael. I love you so much.”

“Love has never been our issue.“

“No, it hasn’t.“

The two of you embraced in a passionate kiss, as if either of you needed proof of what you’d just said.

You pulled away, your face hovering just two inches above his.

“You’re trying really hard to make more time for me. I appreciate it a lot. So …“

You switched on the bedside lamp and sat a up, a serious look on your face.

“I decided that I should start seeing my therapist again.“

“Why?“

Rafael’s expression was neutral and his voice sounded soft and calm. You knew you really could tell him anything and it made it so much easier for you to address the elephant in the room.

“I have a hard time handling my emotions and my impulses. Sometimes it’s me against the world. Even you. I hate it. And I want to change it.“

“If you think this is what you have to do, you should go for it.“

He sat up too.

“I had a feeling that you were struggling. I should’ve said something.“

“Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t ready to talk about it anyway, until now.“

You took his hand and kissed it.

“Still,“ he said.

You smiled at him and pulled him down with you. It was barely dawning outside and you were exhausted from making love and the endless hours of worrying before that. You kissed him and pulled the blanket on top of you, grateful to be so close to Rafael again.

The last thing you heard before you drifted off to sleep was “I’ll always be there for you, no matter what happens.“

**

“So, what’s the deal with those ridiculous panties you were wearing yesterday?“

It was 10 am and you were having a simple breakfast in bed – cereal and tea for you, toast and coffee for him.

“I had to borrow one from Toni. And our styles aren’t necessarily compatible.“

“I could get used to the sight of them.“

“Well, then you’ll have to start dating her.“

You cringed as soon as the words had escaped your mouth.

“Ouch, sorry, babe. It was just a joke. Too soon?“

Rafael shrugged.

“Two days ago you broke up with me because you were jealous and now you’re trying to set me up with your friend. I’d call that progress.“

You gave him a small playful punch, but he didn’t seem to notice. He stared at the drawer at the opposite side of the room. 

“Speaking of which …“

He got up and picked up a sheet of paper that lay on top of it. When he slid back under the covers, you leaned over to get a glimpse of what looked like an invoice.

“What is that?“

“I meant every word that I said last night. I want to prove it. Even if it’s going to spoil the surprise. Or part of it …“

His hand were slightly shaking, which just added to your confusion, and you snatched away the piece of paper.

Swirly font on top of the page. The name of a well-known jewelry store.

“Custom-made … four thousand - WHAT?“

It couldn’t be. You turned to Rafael.

“You bought a ring??“

He nodded. “It’s not finished yet. Special order. I wanted something unique.“

"But a ring for _what? _"__

__In your heart you knew the answer. But with all the miscommunication that had been going on between you lately you needed to hear it from him._ _

__Rafael smiled and reached out a hand to run his fingers through your messy morning hair._ _

__“An engagement ring, of course. I love you, Y/N. I want to marry you.“_ _

__You closed your eyes in what could only be described as humble relief. The last 36 hours had been … wild. But this was a new beginning. His face was close to you when you opened your eyes again._ _

__“What do you say?“ he whispered._ _

__“Yes.“_ _

__His kiss was a smile against your lips and you giggled when he peppered your face with giddy smooches._ _

__Suddenly he pulled away and looked at you with an unusually subservient expression._ _

__“That wasn’t the actual proposal, of course, I–“_ _

__“I hope so, baby, I expect a bit more than “I want to marry you.““_ _

__He shook his head and smiled. “No need to worry. I have it all planned out.“_ _

__“Belt and suspenders?“_ _

__“Did you expect anything else?_ _

__“I know my man.“_ _

__He kissed you again, but more passionately, lips and tongue wandering from your lips to your ears and down to the hemline of your low-cut nightie._ _

__“So the other evening, you mentioned something about spending a whole Saturday in bed. I really want to be a better boyfriend–“_ _

__“Fiancé,“ you corrected him, already slightly out of breath._ _

__“–fiancé, of course,“ he answered as he pulled your shirt over your head. “I’ve really been clueless lately and have no idea what you meant by that. Sleeping? Yoga? You’ll have to show me, I’m afraid.“_ _

__With a devilish smile, you pressed your hand against his chest and made him lie down on his back before climbing on top of him. He looked up at you, beaming, and you knew that all you wanted was to make this man happy. And you … yeah, you deserved a happy ending, too._ _

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the Long Live Feedback (LLF) Comment Project, whose goal is to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.
> 
> ***  
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